tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91467817321083481462024-03-12T21:03:09.507-07:00Beyond Wrongdoing and RightdoingDeveloping Compassionate Communication Consciousness with Nonviolent CommunicationLoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-2275990290977151632013-07-01T13:13:00.001-07:002013-07-01T13:13:59.848-07:00Church - I Came Here to Complain! (No You Didn't!)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/kQFKtI6gn9Y?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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The Argument Clinic Sketch</div>
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Do you feel that when you go to your congregation, it seems like you've entered the Monty Python skit <i>The Argument Clinic</i>? In the skit, a man pays good money for an argument, which he gets, but he also gets complaints, abuse, and hit over the head. In this sketch, one line is, "<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">If you complain nothing happens ... you might just as well not bother." I believe that complaints can be valuable, for they tell us what we long for. It takes however some practice and skill to shift the internal and external conversations so that something wonderful might happen in your congregation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">What complaints do you hear? </span></div>
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<i>The service went too
long!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>I didn't like the
music this morning.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>People don't pledge
enough to keep this congregation solvent!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>We just don't have
enough people to handle all the volunteer duties.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Our congregation is
dying, we need younger people!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>I'm tired of all the
conflict and gossip around here.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Do these sound familiar to you? If so, you might also have experienced in
your body a lowering of energy, or perhaps tenseness when you hear a complaint. Maybe you feel exhaustion, lack of hope, and
a desire to withdraw from the conversation or even the relationship or the
congregation. The needs behind this
response are multiple - mutual empowerment, hope, fun, ease, connection,
etc. Over time "complaint
energy" can embed itself within a congregation and be difficult to eradicate,
but not impossible. </div>
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One way to reverse complaint energy is to play the complaint
game. </div>
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Gather with a group of people in your congregation and write
down all the commonly heard complaints, or the complaints or criticisms that
cause you to go nuts. As a group come up with the needs that exist behind the complaints. Then role play a
conversation where one person issues forth a complaint, while the other
responds with empathy by guessing what might be the needs of the
complainer. In this way both parties receive
the gift of helping each other connect to life and to one another by sharing
the needs that exist behind the complaint.
The complaint game is also a good way to practice, so that when you hear
a complaint in "real time" you can immediately translate it to life giving needs, both for
your benefit and for another's if you so choose to empathize out loud with the other.</div>
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So let's play shall we?
What needs are behind the complaints listed above? When you have come up with a list continue
reading.</div>
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<i>The service went too
long! (consideration, efficiency, rest, integrity, ?)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>I didn't like the
music this morning. (stimulation, pleasure, joy, shared reality, ?)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>People don't pledge
enough to keep this congregation solvent! (fairness, hope, community, faith,?)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>We just don't have
enough people to handle all the volunteer duties. (rest, fairness, fun, ?)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Our congregation is
dying, we need younger people! (hope, contribution, justice, love, community,
nurturance, ?)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>I'm tired of all the
conflict and gossip around here. (rest, peace, connection, integrity, ?)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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You can play the complaint game by yourself too.</div>
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I now invite you to think of an important complaint you have
about your congregation. I say
"important" because complaints let you know what you value and long
for. List the needs behind the complaint
and then translate the complaint into a statement about
needs. Then imagine those needs being
met and rest in that energy for a while.
This will prepare you to share these precious needs with others in a
form that perhaps they can hear, empathize with, and experience mutual
empowerment so that together you can come up with a strategy that might address
these needs.</div>
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For example, I might complain: <i>Why
can't we loosen up around here - move our bodies, clap our hands, dance, and
shout amen? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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I long for connection, sharing, spirit, fun, kinesthetic
movement, physical well being, etc.</div>
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To my worship committee I might then say, "I sure do
appreciate how wonderful my body feels when I move during a service and value
so strongly sharing the embodiment of our faith with others. Would you be willing to tell me what comes up
for you when you hear me say this?"</div>
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I believe that people do not join a community of faith to argue, but to serve life, which we can do by translating complaints into needs language.<br />
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Good hope in this,<br />
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<i> LoraKim</i></div>
LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-44270169829076481362013-06-14T04:56:00.001-07:002013-06-14T04:56:24.739-07:00Translating the Chatter into Needs - General Assembly 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's that time again!
<a href="http://www.uua.org/ga/">General Assembly</a>, the annual meeting of Unitarian Universalism, begins
in 5 days. The ministers gather a few
days earlier to make the whole event a week's work of networking, celebration,
and sometimes uncomfortable conversations and interactions. Probably the most
common unpleasant situation is that there just doesn't seem to be the time or
spaciousness to really connect with all the people you'd like to! Or perhaps it
seems like you don't know very many people when others seem to always have a
gang of followers or peers gaggling around them wherever they go. Maybe during
the plenaries, workshops, and worship services you experience envy, regret, and
even sadness that you haven't accomplished as much in the past year, aren't in
the thick of things or won't have the chance to have a follow up conversation
with those who have spoken in the public space. </div>
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GA is far from being a bummer, but I do know that the
complex world of human relationships and heart's hope easily set's one up for
disappointment and frustration. It
happens in our congregational homes every Sunday, and so too it happens every
year at GA.</div>
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What then to do?</div>
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One way to keep the heart open to connection, is to keep
bringing back our mind's chattering to needs.
If you feel an emotion or a shift in a body, what needs are being met?
Aren't being met? In yourself? In
others?</div>
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Here's an example.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kBz6zvjJ4HA/UbsEqsCjv4I/AAAAAAAABGU/frywkIV0hsw/s1600/busy-crowd-600x250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kBz6zvjJ4HA/UbsEqsCjv4I/AAAAAAAABGU/frywkIV0hsw/s400/busy-crowd-600x250.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I recall several GA's back where I passed near the escalator at GA a colleague with whom I had worked in a congregation. As we passed, we paused briefly to say hello,
during which he kept looking over my head.
Without checking in with him, my jackal interpretation ran wild. <i>He
was too busy and important to spend any time with me. Clearly he was lacking in
the simple social graces of at least making eye contact! I never really liked him anyway. If only I was more interesting we could have
connected.... If I was only a different
person I could have been a contender! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Okay, self empathy. What are my needs? What would be your
needs in this case? I'll suggest connection,
consideration, friendship.</div>
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Okay, other empathy. What are his needs? Guessing I'd say efficiency, connection,
ease.</div>
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But wait, there's more!
Once we understand the needs involved we can entertain what strategies
we might employ to address these desires.</div>
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I'd love to hear your strategies about how you navigate your
GA experience. Would you be willing to
describe here how you seek to connect to the beauty of needs at GA, or any
other large gathering of humans? </div>
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Ah, up rises another request to address the needs of
connection, mutual reality, community, fun, etc! The list goes on.</div>
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Here's the idea. During GA let's share what needs come up
for us, or what we guess is going on for others, by either reporting in here,
or using Twitter with the general hastag = #UUAGA, and also #UUAGANEEDS. </div>
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Shall
we? I'll start us off today!</div>
LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-72407287898930144082013-06-12T13:32:00.003-07:002013-06-14T04:05:38.658-07:00Speaking With Our Mouths Full of Compassion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VSEk8uUCdyI/UbjZu9exQmI/AAAAAAAABF0/hqWxyXjbIQw/s1600/UUAM+LOGO+-+3'x3'+with+animals+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VSEk8uUCdyI/UbjZu9exQmI/AAAAAAAABF0/hqWxyXjbIQw/s400/UUAM+LOGO+-+3'x3'+with+animals+small.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Besides working as a consultant in Compassionate Communication
for congregations, I am also active with the <a href="http://www.uuam.org/">Unitarian Universalist Animal Ministry</a>
(UUAM) where I serve on the Board and also am the Reverence for Life
Coordinator. Through these capacities I
have frequently witnessed the intricate dance we do with one another as our
faith calls us to be prophetic witnesses to suffering in the world. How do we hear of another's pain, or anger, or
express it ourselves, without shifting into blame and judgment, or withdrawal
and disconnection? Sometimes we step on
each other's toes and all too often, individuals decide to sit the dance out
entirely and resign their membership in their congregations. </div>
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This relationship or conservation struggle can center on any
one of many different justice issues or oppressions, and in the case of those
involved in animal ministry, it often includes diet choices. In a week's time
this will be fore front in my thinking as I go to attend the Unitarian Universalist
General Assembly in Louisville, Kentucky.
Part of my work there will be to staff the UUAM booth where there will
be much opportunity to speak and listen compassionately, as well as with
integrity and authenticity. This won't be easy as my experiences and
understanding of the world can prove difficult for others to hear, and vice
versa.<br />
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So what are we as a people of faith to do? (and by faith I mean striving to respond
compassionately to the understanding that beings are beautiful, are interconnected,
and are capable of both experiencing and causing suffering).</div>
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Here's my plan. No
matter the conversation I will seek to go beyond ideological assumptions,
statements, and judgments. I'm with the author of "<a href="http://stevenpinker.com/publications/better-angels-our-nature">Better Angels of our Nature</a>," Stephen Pinker, on this one
- ideologies are the cause of much of the violence in the world, and in the
case of my relationships with others, can cause daily and multiple micro-instances
of oppression and violence. Now I know
there is no getting rid of the ideological filters that each of us have, say
for instance, whether one "should" or "should not" eat
animals. But in knowing that, I can humbly
strive to go beyond ideologies, mine and others, so that we can listen and
speak as honestly and empathetically as we can.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-btif46dF4Hk/UbjaEtbQHRI/AAAAAAAABF8/yDL7c76S65I/s1600/pinker_cover-e1324435762468.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-btif46dF4Hk/UbjaEtbQHRI/AAAAAAAABF8/yDL7c76S65I/s200/pinker_cover-e1324435762468.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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How, you ask?</div>
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The goal for me then is to always go back to the needs of
those involved. I seek to hold tenderly
the needs of the person with whom I am talking, as well as the needs of the
marginalized and oppressed. In the case of other species, then, I try to shift
the conversation away from blanket statements about what is the right thing to
do and away from lengthy discourses covering every possible rationalization
about the issue. For if there is one thing our subconscious minds can do, is
come up with a story about why we do what we do. Instead I speak about my needs, listen to and
guess the needs of the other human, and then speak about the needs of
animals. I'm willing to let go of
specific strategies or outcomes in this complex world, but I am not willing to
concede awareness about the states of others and my desire for their
flourishing.</div>
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A possible conversation might go like this at the UUAM booth
using classic Nonviolent Communication formulations. In person it would probably
be much less stilted, but hopefully you can grasp the consciousness I seek to
develop and convey through this sample dialog.</div>
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<i>Other person: I saw your ad in the last issue of the UU
World magazine and I was frankly offended. Who are you, especially as a UU, to
tell others what is right or wrong for them to do?</i></div>
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<i>Me: I'm guessing you
really value choice and respect, and you didn't experience that while reading
the ad. Is that right?</i></div>
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<i>Other person: Yeah,
you're right. I get so tired of others
playing the purity card in our congregations.
Gosh, I'm doing the best I can.</i></div>
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<i>Me: So you'd like
some ease and understanding about how hard you are trying to make compassionate
choices, especially given how overwhelmingly complex you see the world as. </i></div>
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<i>Other person. Right
again! I just don't see what's so bad
about eating animals when it does so much good for humans.</i></div>
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<i>Me: Would you be willing to hear why I don't eat meat?</i></div>
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<i>Other person: Well,
er, okay, but plenary is going to start soon.</i></div>
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<i>Me: Thanks. I appreciate the chance to share, and I'll be
brief. It's that I feel sad when I think
of the lives and deaths of chickens who are raised for meat. I so want them to not suffer and feel pain,
and to flourish in all ways possible. I
long for that for them, and for you and me too.
What comes up for you when I share this?</i></div>
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<i>Other person: I guess
it's complex and maybe someday I'll have time to think about this more.</i></div>
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<i>Me: Yes, the
situation sure can make one's head and heart burst open, at least it has for
me. Would you be willing to take any
literature or remember us so that if you ever need a listening ear,
information, or support, you can contact me or someone else at UUAM?</i></div>
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<i>Other person: Okay,
sure. Thanks. Can you also help me
decide for whom to vote for Moderator?</i></div>
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Now dear reader, can you tell me what comes up for you after
reading this blog entry? Would you be
willing to contact me here, or better yet, come by the UUAM booth at General
Assembly?</div>
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Thanks!</div>
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In the hope of holding all needs fully,</div>
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LoraKim</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2n2RcOpy89c/UbjYw9T8cjI/AAAAAAAABFo/TnX_TbjG03c/s1600/Summer+ad+changed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2n2RcOpy89c/UbjYw9T8cjI/AAAAAAAABFo/TnX_TbjG03c/s320/Summer+ad+changed.jpg" width="247" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The ad highlighted in the dialog and in the last issue of the UU World.<br />
What needs of yours, other humans, and other species come up for you when you see this ad?</td></tr>
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LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-75835961653675768202013-06-07T15:39:00.004-07:002013-06-07T15:39:50.349-07:00A Mission From God<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">We hear a lot about a congregation having a mission
statement these days. If we only had a
perfect mission statement our congregation will be saved as new members come
flooding in to solve our financial problems and our falling membership. More deeply, we long that our apparent
disparate lives will find common cause and quit fussing with one another.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the past the process I have
employed is "needs based missioning."
We gather members together in cottage meetings, small groups, and
workshops so they can discuss the needs of themselves, each other, and the
greater and even global community. At
the same time we take an inventory of our gifts. What we essentially have done is follow
Frederick Buechner's sage reasoning, "The place God calls you to is the
place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." The
difficulty lies though in bringing people together who, although they have the
same needs, prioritize them differently.
What often results then is a watered down mission statement that offends
no one as it attempts to include everyone's needs and gladness.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">I do believe that needs based
conversations, behaviors, and relationships are key to the good life. So I'm
not suggesting that we give up on sharing with one another our deepest
longings, woundings, and gladness.
Instead, I'm wondering if we in our congregations can come to a place
where we share a mission based on the wisdom and experience we have as a people
of faith. We know what we and others
need, and we know what makes us glad.
The challenge comes in the process of determining needs and gifts. When in our lives, and even in most
congregations, do we slow down enough so that we can focus, go deep, and listen
to life arising through us so that we may best serve life?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">The mission then that might be
widely shared with other congregations is process oriented. How can we live deeply
so that others can live well? In short, the mission is a <a href="http://www.lakechalice.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-way-of-life.html">way of life</a>.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Here is an example.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Listen,
open, serve<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Listen
to our deepest selves<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Open
to life's gifts<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Serve
needs greater than our own<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">We seek to know when needs are met, and not met. We
then mourn, celebrate, and act according to how life seeks the greatest possible
fulfillment in our congregations. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">If we can do this, we will, as in the words of the
great John Belushi in the movie, <i>Blues Brothers</i>, "be on a mission from
God."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-80246100759367029962013-06-04T07:21:00.000-07:002013-06-04T07:21:32.331-07:00Transforming Church Conflict: Compassionate Leadership in Action<div class="MsoNormal">
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I have now served in Unitarian Universalist congregations
for 14 years, first as an intern, then as a parish minister, and now as a
community minister and consultant. In
this time, boy howdy, have I seen conflict!
For a long time, and even still, I experience confusion regarding how I
and others find it difficult to see the beauty of the other and their needs
when our own needs are not met. We move into
judgment and blame, and repeat disconnecting thoughts and behaviors. Over time in a particular congregation, these
patterns can become entrenched, leaving individuals desperately longing for
authentic and deep relationships that can weather the diversity of human
expression, experiences, and wounding.
What then to do?</div>
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My greatest hope lies in Nonviolent Communication, also
known as Compassionate Communication. I am not alone. The authors of a new book I just finished, <i><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=IUXo2uwawX4C&pg=PA242&lpg=PA242&dq=transforming+church+conflict+compassionate+leadership+in+action&source=bl&ots=4ZeCmnsaUN&sig=GrIdcX4dcQVBWlsjBKYBP4-nWrw&hl=en&sa=X&ei=MvetUb_AAYfM9QSttoGICg&ved=0CEMQ6AEwAg">Transforming Church Conflict</a></i>, write,
"We have become convinced that nonviolent or compassionate communication is
the best singe resource available for
learning the complex interpersonal and pastoral leadership skills needed by
today's church." They go on to say,
"Compassionate communication helps us maintain our inner clarity and sense
of direction in the midst of challenging situations in which we have significant
personal investment." I love the
hope and the vision of congregations, and perhaps this is why I can become
disheartened when I perceive that we are not making the most of the transformational
possibility inherent in conflict. Does
this resonate with you?</div>
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If so, then I recommend this book to you, as well as the practice
of compassionate communication. This authors
in their writing support me in my practice, which in turns keeps me engaged
with others in the work, perhaps with you too.
Please join me here in this blog, for I treasure companionship and the
interdependence of sharing a way of being in the world that I cannot do
alone. My commitment is to write
regularly here about compassionate leadership in congregations. If you have any comments or situations in
which we can offer empathy and understanding to one another, I would be delighted to hear from you. </div>
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Let us share and build upon the hope of compassion.</div>
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<i>LoraKim</i></div>
LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-36797736093663657912013-04-06T07:56:00.001-07:002013-04-06T08:06:31.527-07:00Beautiful Useless<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LHeeJYT9tG8/UWA3NTu3P0I/AAAAAAAABCA/c1hzq1SvWtw/s1600/Carolina+Wren+-+William+H+Majoros.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LHeeJYT9tG8/UWA3NTu3P0I/AAAAAAAABCA/c1hzq1SvWtw/s320/Carolina+Wren+-+William+H+Majoros.jpg" width="239" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Carolina Wren (photo by William Majaros)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">One of the greatest needs I hear repeated during
workshops is "contribution" and "to matter." I resonate with both of these. Do you?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">For myself there are other needs lurking behind these,
very important needs to recognize and address.
I might characterize these as "belonging" and
"interconnection." No matter what I do I belong and am
interconnected with the interdependent whole.
It is only my state of mind that sees it otherwise, alas all too often!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So I have taken up the motto, "<a href="http://meredithpoetry.blogspot.com/2013/03/beautiful-useless_31.html">Beautiful Useless</a>," so that I might remember how I can experience connection to
all life no matter external characteristics, or even internal states of mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-color: white;">To help me remember this motto, I read Mary Oliver
whose poems, such as this one below, speak to our deep interbeing with all, no matter
where we may be standing or our stance in life.</span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://yearsrisingmaryoliver.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-happened-to-be-standing.html">I Happened to be
Standing</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don’t know where prayers go,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">or what they do.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Do cats pray, while they sleep</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">half-asleep in the sun?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Does the opossum pray as it</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">crosses the street?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The sunflower? The old black oak</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">growing older every year?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know I can walk through the world,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">along the shore or under the trees,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With my mind filled with things</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">of little importance, in full</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">self-attendance. A condition I can’t really</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">call being alive.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Is a prayer a gift, or a petition,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">or does it matter?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The sunflowers blaze, maybe that’s their way.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe the cats are sound asleep. Maybe not.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While I was thinking this I happened to be standing</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just outside my door, with my notebook open,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Which is the way I begin every moning.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then a wren in the privet began to sing.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He was positively drenched in enthusiasm,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don’t why. And yet, why not.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I wouldn’t persuade you from whatever you believe</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Or whatever you don’t. That’s your business.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But I thought, of the wren’s singing, what could this be</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">if it isn’t a prayer?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I just listened, my pen in the air.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Beautiful useless is Mary with her pen in the air. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Isn’t this who we are, all of us, all the time?</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Isn’t this what a prayer is? A cat? A wren?</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">The triumphant trees?</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">My fingers are typing out a prayer, as is my breathing, my being, my being – every act a gift and a petition for life to flow easily, fully, in me, which silly me, always does no matter what.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">May it be so.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">(Alas, another petition, silly me)</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">At last, hallelujah!</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 24px;">At last, hallelujah!</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 24px;">It is so.<span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="line-height: 24px;">What do you ask for with your very being?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="line-height: 24px;">How is your life a prayer?</span></i></div>
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LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-45069922249126213742012-03-05T08:14:00.001-08:002012-03-05T08:15:45.020-08:00No One Is Unproductive<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sTD7SEVTsaY/T1TmccSRXuI/AAAAAAAAAx0/eUxIvBUJzp0/s1600/image_unproductive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sTD7SEVTsaY/T1TmccSRXuI/AAAAAAAAAx0/eUxIvBUJzp0/s1600/image_unproductive.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
In yesterday's "<a href="http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20120304">Dear Abby</a>" column there was woman who described herself as retired and in search of herself. She didn't know whether to take a part time job, go to school, or volunteer. She was experiencing guilt and a sense of unworthiness because she was "unproductive." <br />
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Here is how I would have replied to her letter using NVC consciousness. What might you have said?<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">No one is “unproductive.” We each just choose different strategies to meet our needs for ease, rest, fun, security, and protection (and many other needs). No one is old. No one is retired. These labels tend to go with expectations of how we should act. So I’m going to ask you to think of what needs are alive in you now.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Let me help get you started. From what you write I am seeing how much you value contribution, as well as stimulation. You however want more ease and rest than your previous full time job allowed. Is that right? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">You can have people guess your needs, like I just did, or you can do this yourself. One way to get at needs is to see what labels you are using. For instance, I’d like to ask you where your sense of guilt and worthlessness comes from when you think of the phrase “not being productive.” I am guessing that you have some “should” statements going on in your mind, such as “I should not be lazy.” “Good people work hard.” These should statements can disconnect us from life energy and keep us from coming up with creative ways to meet our needs. So we need to get at the needs behind “not being productive.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So pick up a pen and paper, and write down all the needs you can think of that are met when you imagine yourself being “productive.” You might list connection to people, contribution, respect, and nurturing. Now also imagine all the needs that are being met when you are not working as hard as in your last job. You might list rest, ease, fun, and learning? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Take a look at all those needs you wrote and lift up the 2-3 that seem to resonate the most for you right now. Thinking of these needs, can you think of ways to meet these needs? The goal is to meet needs that are alive in you, and not the needs of some <i>should</i> statement, such as I should be active or busy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My guess is that life is trying to come through you very strongly, and you are rearing to meet those needs to connect to life as much as possible. Just listen to life as it expresses itself in the various emotions you have, and try to translate any self judgment into a language of needs.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Find your needs and you will find yourself.</span><span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-32388319686306770502011-10-21T15:35:00.000-07:002011-10-21T15:35:49.910-07:00Occupy Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sztv0PttNJw/TqHzmai6F1I/AAAAAAAAAxE/2TW80igYRbQ/s1600/wallstreetposter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sztv0PttNJw/TqHzmai6F1I/AAAAAAAAAxE/2TW80igYRbQ/s320/wallstreetposter.jpg" width="211" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><br />
</b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">The news is all abuzz with the sit in protests that started a month ago in New York City known as "Occupy Wall Street."<span> </span>They sparked movements all over the world, and they have even come to our small town for the past 10 days.<span> </span>The occupiers <span> </span>speak of being part of the 99% whose lives are being negatively impacted by 1% of the population who control resources.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Some of the complaints I have heard about this movement is that they are not clear in what they want, or how to get there.<span> </span>In Nonviolent Communication speak, they have not made clear and doable requests, or at least that the media has reported.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Requests though are only one component of nonviolent communication.<span> </span>Other components are observations, feelings, and needs.<span> </span>What is happening in the streets is a widespread emotional response to global and local economies that that are heavily directed at serving those with power and control, and not at human flourishing as a whole.<span> </span>I believe it is important for people, as individuals or as a community, to give full reign to the emotions in their bodies, for in this way they might discern what their needs might be. Out of this connection can arise results.<span> </span>But we need to allow spaciousness for feelings and needs to arise, such as what is happening all over the world.<span> </span>I imagine that the gathered feel anger and frustration for they so long for equality and fairness, as well as health for earth and her beings.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Looking at the reports of the crowds, and in some cases, the small gatherings around the world, what feelings come up for you when you think of our economic and environmental situation?<span> </span>What needs come up that correspond with these feelings?<span> </span>Allowing yourself spaciousness and time, are there any requests you would make of yourself or others?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Part of allowing yourself spaciousness is to watch the "should" talk. Are you telling yourself that you should be protesting yourself instead of attending to your daily concerns?<span> </span>Perhaps you are thinking of what the protesters should be doing, or the people against whom they are protesting?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Should language is telling a story that leads us away from our feelings and connecting with our needs, and the needs of others. It places a demand on how others should act, instead of inviting them into a place of connecting to your needs and theirs, which is life serving.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">If you have a sense of "shoulding" I invite you to consider this exercise.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Think for a<span> </span>moment where you are "shoulding" on others or yourself.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">What are you feeling?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">What are you current needs?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">What request, if any, would you make of yourself and others?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">For myself this little exercise of breathing in between NVC components adds spaciousness and more lightness to my body. Heck, even describing this exercise now to you added to my sense of connecting to life by thinking of needs, and experiencing the living energy of needs. It helped me occupy life more fully.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">What helps you occupy life?<o:p></o:p></span></div>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-42692410253070549422011-03-03T06:16:00.000-08:002011-03-03T06:16:05.072-08:00Loving the Complaint and the Demand<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Percy Wakes Me<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Mary Oliver</span></i></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Percy wakes me and I am not ready...<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Now he's eager for action: a walk, then breakfast....<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">He is sitting on the kitchen counter where he is not supposed to be.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">How wonderful you are, I say. How clever, if you needed me, to wake me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">He thought he would hear a lecture and deeply his eyes begin to shine.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">He tumbles onto the couch for more compliments.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">He squirms and squeals; he has done something that he needed and now he hears that it's okay.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">I scratch his ears, I turn him over and touch him everywhere. He is<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">wild with the okayness of it. Then we walk, then he gas has breakfast, and he is happy.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">This is a poem about Percy.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">This is a poem about more than Percy.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Think about it.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">In my spiritual practice of nonviolent communication I often struggle with accepting with ease the complaints of others. When I first hear what they want, often expressed as a demand, or worse, as whining, I don't have much empathy for others or for myself. It's also hard for me to get in touch with my gratitude that they let me know what was going on for them, for I know that when someone asks something of me, often in a an unskillful way, they are just letting me know what would make their life wonderful. This is such a great gift, but so frequently I am reluctant to open the gift to appreciate how life flows through them. Instead I have "shoulds" going on in my story telling brain, "Why can't they think of anyone else but themselves?" <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Reading this poem today, I sense a break through, a vision. People around me are like bounding Percies, inviting me to make their life wonderful. How lovely for them, and for me, if I could reply in word, thought, and action so that they could know how wonderful they are and the okayness of their needs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Oh how our lives might shine. <o:p></o:p></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px;">Though we may not be ready, may we awake to this possibility today.</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;">To whom would you like to communicate "okayness?"<o:p></o:p></span></i></span><br />
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</span></i></span></div>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-36034903969538973302011-01-21T06:47:00.000-08:002011-01-21T06:47:34.221-08:00Compassionate Communication for All Beings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TTmcMM2pRWI/AAAAAAAAAuE/n_SkXswmJes/s1600/Edited+PR+CC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="273" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TTmcMM2pRWI/AAAAAAAAAuE/n_SkXswmJes/s320/Edited+PR+CC.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Constantia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Constantia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;">Dr. Ursula Aragunde Kohl, me and participants at the CC Workshop in Puerto Rico</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Last weekend I was in Puerto Rico offering two separate workshops on Compassionate Communication. One was to the <a href="http://www.lafeberconservationwildlife.com/?p=942">Puerto Rican Parrot Recovery Project</a> and the other to a conglomeration of animal welfare, social services, and faith organizations in San Juan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the first time I had chosen to concentrate on organizations that deal with nonhuman animals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My goal in so doing was to support and nourish the humans so that they in turn could help all beings flourish.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In my home faith tradition, Unitarian Universalism I am also gearing up to offer workshops in Compassionate Communication to those interested in the interweaving justice issues that include nonhuman animals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will do this as part of the <a href="http://www.uuam.org/reverence.php">Reverence for Life Program</a> that the <a href="http://www.uuam.org/">Unitarian Universalist Animal Ministry</a> is offering our congregations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now is the time to struggle with how we covenant with earth and her beings as our association of congregations deals with the Study Action Item: Ethical Eating and Environmental Justice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the last few weeks congregations and list serves have been abuzz with commenting on the<a href="http://www.uua.org/socialjustice/issuesprocess/currentissues/ethicaleating/172671.shtml"> Draft Statement of Conscience</a> that deals with this compelling and complex topic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Comments on the draft are due February 1<sup>st</sup> and we as an association will vote on the final draft at General Assembly in June, 2011.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">How shall we come up with a statement that includes the wide diversity of who we are and yet challenges us to hold the needs of all species ever more tenderly?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My response to this question, at both the workshops and to my fellow Unitarian Universalists is this:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s important to think of how animals feel and suffer, how their evolution has brought them to where they are , and what they are thinking as we research how their brains work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, we can never know what is “best” in the morass of ethical vagueness that cloaks humanity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let this complexity be not a death shroud for any.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, let us lift up the few things we can know:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All beings have needs that connect us in an interdependent web of inherent worth and dignity<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We can bring kindness to every moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Everything is a practice ground for the skills of compassion.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Constantia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">May this be our prayer in intention, word, and action in the months to come.<o:p></o:p></span></div>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-35491369350831963332010-12-07T11:42:00.000-08:002010-12-07T11:42:15.164-08:00A Fragile World Order<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TP6OB9UxcrI/AAAAAAAAAs8/4yL-8T81pFA/s1600/265902-wikileaks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TP6OB9UxcrI/AAAAAAAAAs8/4yL-8T81pFA/s320/265902-wikileaks.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">In the last few weeks we have heard plenty about the WikiLeaks and the appropriateness of exposing 250,000 diplomatic cables.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was struck by the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/30/opinion/30brooks.html">response by David Brooks</a>, commentator for the New York Times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After reading the cables he said, "Israeli and Arab diplomats can be seen reacting sympathetically and realistically towards one another. The Americans in the cables are generally savvy and honest. . .We depend on these conversations for the limited order we enjoy every day."<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I couldn't agree more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Now just imagine if these conversations<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>were full of no difference between wrongdoing and rightdoing. What if the needs of "enemies" were as equally valued as those of "friends?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if we ran our world order on an economy of equally valued needs, and not brokerage of power and resources?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If we humans can produce such understanding <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as Mr. Brooks sees in these people who are in the midst of such power and politics, imagine what we might do with a nonviolent consciousness running through the diplomatic corps?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Yes, it's fragile now, but in my alternate scenario, it would be flourishing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-7941760302119936432010-12-03T19:24:00.001-08:002010-12-03T19:24:59.492-08:00Winter Holiday Telephone Seminar - Giving Your Relationships the Gift of Presence<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">I will be introducing the basics of NVC through exploration of our relationships and how we might be totally present. As many of us come into the winter holidays, we may find ourselves triggered by those for whom we care. By tapping into the consciousness of being present to needs, we may cultivate the art of "choice" and hence liberate and ourselves from past behavior patterns that disconnect and distance us from others in our lives.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">Friday 17, December, 7 - 8:30 p.m.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13px; line-height: 15px;">Let me know if you plan to attend so I can send you the call in information and the handout.</span>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-21733643017503228272010-11-17T08:34:00.000-08:002010-11-17T08:34:50.700-08:00Bounding Out on New Paths<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TOQD_93r7lI/AAAAAAAAAps/cQcYKl8hwf8/s1600/7-wonders---Igloo-771024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TOQD_93r7lI/AAAAAAAAAps/cQcYKl8hwf8/s320/7-wonders---Igloo-771024.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
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</i></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">In the Pasture<o:p></o:p></i></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><b><i>Mary Oliver</i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">In the first day of snow, when the white curtain of winter began to stream down,<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The house where I lived grew distant and at first it seemed imperative to hurry home.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But later, not much later, I began to see that soft snowbound house as I would always remember it,<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">And I would linger a long time in the pasture turning <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>circles, staring<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">At all the crisp, exciting, snow-filled roads that led away.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">Memories are inconclusive. With each recall, our brains change the version of the previous until we cannot know for sure what happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can only know how we interpret events of the past in the present moment.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">Given this, it does seem as if we can change the past. For we have today to place a shroud of memory over our regrets, our misgivings, or our loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can let go of the stories of disconnection or hyperindividualism and infuse our stories with the meaning of interdependence.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">For instance, perhaps you recall a time when a friend said or did something that resulted in harm to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each time you bring up that pain or discomfort from the past, you augment your judgment about the friend, yourself, or the human species as a whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You withdraw from that relationships or close your heart to them and to yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is like burrowing into a cold house where you wish for life to be different .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking out of the frosted windows of our heart, you spin fantasizes of how it should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">Today though let go of blame and instead see how you are the other person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no wrongdoing or right doing from the perspective of the pasture, only a field where we see the beauty that is the world, is also each of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We each choose strategies to meet the same beautiful needs of love, connection, and community. Some of these strategies are more skillful and produce more benefits than harm. Other strategies are disasters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Regardless, beauty dwells in each of us and motivates our actions.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">With this in mind, we open up new possibilities of choices in our relationships. Perhaps you will choose to call your friend, or to be at peace with what happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are neither victim nor evil perpetrator. We are each other and this beautiful world, and we can choose how to act from this day forward. We may take roads that <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lead away from memories that bind us.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">When have you seen a memory change over time? Has this served you well?<o:p></o:p></i></div>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-83590848626725421392010-11-10T09:45:00.000-08:002010-11-10T09:45:42.106-08:00Restorative Circles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TNraNRirhlI/AAAAAAAAApo/VbvMJBGuvYg/s1600/restorative-justice-468x291.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TNraNRirhlI/AAAAAAAAApo/VbvMJBGuvYg/s320/restorative-justice-468x291.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">A few weeks ago I attended a workshop on <a href="http://www.restorativecircles.org/">Restorative Circles</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This practice, if I could sum it up in one sentence seems to be about this; we’re going to fight anyway, so let’s make a place for conflict to happen with an intention to value the needs of all people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The inciting incident that calls together a circle is not cause for dehumanizing another. It is a just a strategy that one person choose to meet a universal need that all humans share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The circle gathers so that we might see what harm came from the incident, and through telling our stories, find a way to rehumanize each other – that is, to get at the value and meaning underlying the harmful strategies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hope is that if we can see that there is a positive motivation behind all actions, we might find the space to formulate restorative actions plans to heal wounds, and change behavior patterns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal">Though only my first exposure to Restorative Circles, I see how it is a natural “next step” for the practice of Nonviolent Communication. These circles, founded on the consciousness of peace, compassion, and justice as we see in NVC, offer a structure for changing organizations and societies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The scope is beyond the individual level, for integrated in the restorative theory is that all humans within a society are impacted by conflict, and hence, “responsible” in that as receivers of conflict, we each have a choice on how to act.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To not act is also a choice.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I choose to act for restoration, healing, and change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A restorative circle, however, takes place within a restorative system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So my individual choice is not enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need a community that elects to journey with me as we commit together for restorative justice.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Now the question before me and perhaps before you as well is this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which community?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My family?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My congregation or association of congregations (Unitarian Universalist Association)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The town in which I live? The readers of this blog?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">As Dominic Barter, the founder of this system said while in Atlanta, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> "</span>Why ruin a good question with an answer.?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ponder on.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Which community might you choose for restorative work?<o:p></o:p></i></div>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-51887080598122708022010-10-27T09:47:00.000-07:002010-10-28T16:27:23.123-07:00Upcoming NVC Retreat in Florida<span class="Apple-style-span"><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><b><span style="color: black; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><b><span style="color: black; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><b><span style="color: black; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">TOTAL PRESENCE<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><b><span style="color: black; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><b><span style="color: black; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><b><i><span style="color: black; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Where the inner work and the outer work meet and merge.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span style="color: black; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><b><span style="color: black; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Friday December 17, 6pm - Sunday December 19, 1pm, 2010<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; text-align: center; "><b><span style="color: black; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Gainesville Retreat Center<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoBodyText"><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">A weekend retreat combining the wisdom and practice of Zen Buddhism and Nonviolent Communication<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">From <b><i>presence</i></b> flows greater compassion for all beings. In <b><i>presence</i></b>, we nourish our spirits so that all life may flourish. This retreat offers guidance and sustenance for your inner work, empowering you to be totally present to the reality of relationships, humanity, and earth. Such presence helps heal our world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">The retreat will introduce:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 1in; text-indent: -0.25in; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman'; "> </span></span></span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">the basics of Nonviolent Communication;<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 1in; text-indent: -0.25in; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman'; "> </span></span></span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">meditation practice in the Zen tradition;<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 1in; text-indent: -0.25in; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman'; "> </span></span></span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">the mutual interdependence of “inner” work and “outer” relationship work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Together we will share sitting and walking meditation, floating meditation (there's a heated pool), and nature meditation. Interspersed throughout the weekend will be time for individual reflection and journaling, as well as group learning in both NVC and Zen Buddhism. A more detailed schedule and directions will be mailed at a later date.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /><u><span>Retreat Leaders: </span></u><span> Revv. Meredith Garmon and LoraKim Joyner (Unitarian Univeraslist)</span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><span>Meredith </span></b><span>is senior minister of the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">of Gainesville, a Zen practitioner for 9 years, <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">and a senior student <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Sanbo Kyodan Zen school <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Sanbo Kyodan Zen school</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">LoraKim</span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> is a UU minister who has served in </span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">congregations in Raleigh, NC; El Paso, TX; and</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Gainesville, FL and is a Certified Trainer</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">in Nonviolent Communication</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">(based on Marshall Rosenberg's work and the</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Center for Nonviolent Communication</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">www.cnvc.org)</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></span></p></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Location:</span></span></span></span></u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> Gainesville Retreat Center<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Time:</span></span></span></span></u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> Friday at 6 p.m. (begins with dinner) until Sunday at noon (ends with lunch).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><u><span><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></span></o:p></span></u></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Accommodations:</span></span></span></span></u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> The retreat center is a converted large home on over 100 acres near Newnan Lake. The home beds 12 people in a dormitory style setting. Meals are simple, but ample and delicious vegetarian. We have space for 25 people at the retreat. You may choose other lodging or commute during the day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Costs:</span></span></span></span></u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> Two nights lodging with all meals: $120 double, $160 single</span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> Daytrippers: 2 lunches, 2 dinners: $65<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Registration:</span></span></span></span></u><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> To register, email LoraKim with your intention to attend. To reserve your spot, send a check to LoraKim. </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Dea</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15.84px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span">dline: December 1, 2010.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15.84px; "><span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large; "><span class="Apple-style-span">amoloros@juno.com, 352-375-8531, 3109 NW 35th Terrace, Gainesville, FL 32605</span></span></span></span></p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-68320682393281333662010-10-10T16:07:00.000-07:002010-10-10T16:40:51.303-07:00Empathy 101 - President Obama and Clinton<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TLJO6G-auII/AAAAAAAAApA/m5SK-wQsjHQ/s1600/4cab97a416082.image.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TLJO6G-auII/AAAAAAAAApA/m5SK-wQsjHQ/s320/4cab97a416082.image.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526566452948809858" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Last weekend I facilitated a Nonviolent Communication training hosted by the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Miami and just yesterday I was at the UUA Midsouth District Healthy Congregation Meeting where I facilitated NVC during a 4 hour workshop.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I've got empathy and honesty on the brain, and some very lovely and dedicated people in my heart.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Part of the way I conduct seminars is to role play with participants so they can keep their hearts open in order to empathize with others, and with themselves. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The goal is to not get into "thinking" and "defending" your position, but to offer empathy to the other if you feel they need it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This takes practice to do, because we so often think that if the other person just understood our position, they would do what we want. Clarity is always a good thing, however, people who need empathy often aren't able to hear explanations and requests.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So we practice empathy, empathy, empathy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Just this week there was an editorial cartoon in the Gainesville Sun with President Clinton teaching empathy to President Obama.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I imagined myself role playing with Obama in this scenario.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I would coach him by saying he started off well by checking in with the feelings of Clinton.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>His next step would then to be to link feelings with universal needs instead of going into explanations.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">For instance, he might have said, "I'm guessing that you are anxious and frustrated, because you really long for empathy and an authentic connection with me. Is this right?"<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">To which, in my role play I would say as President Clinton. "Yes, I'm frustrated, but it's because you talk so much about empathy without really doing it. We are losing our democratic majority.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Can't you just connect to the people?"<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">To which Obama, in my dreams, would reply, "You long for mutual empowerment in the government, with me, so that we can bring about a country where all people, and all beings, flourish.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I want that too. Would you be willing to bring in an NVC facilitator so that me and my staff can keep our hearts open so that the needs of all are on the table, without making enemy images of those who have different strategies?"</p> <p class="MsoNormal">In my dream that night, I really did dream of Obama. He was unsure at first, and then broke out laughing and was joyful with me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I awoke wondering if somehow we had gotten empathy from me, and so was able to connect to this heart, and to all hearts.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">May the healing power of empathy be his and yours this day.</p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-61446281473258810342010-09-24T07:10:00.000-07:002010-09-24T07:13:54.601-07:00There is More Love<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TJyyGZxZrqI/AAAAAAAAAo4/aQp4V8fMScc/s1600/heart+sun.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 243px; height: 207px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TJyyGZxZrqI/AAAAAAAAAo4/aQp4V8fMScc/s320/heart+sun.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520483066316435106" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal">Recently I attended a retreat of Unitarian Universalists of Mississippi.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We were speaking of the joys and sorrows in our lives as a theme for the weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Out of sharing of stories and experiences we discovered a trend. The source of our pain is also the source of our joy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For instance, if we are feeling disconnected in relationships, it is because we long for connection.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Our feelings of sorrow or discomfort aren't the fault of someone else, the society, or our species.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We are responsible for our own feelings, which tell us what our deep longings are.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Other examples include the loss of a relationship or someone who has died. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We ache for love and intimacy.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So how do we "fix" our longings?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If we long for love, and there isn't enough of it and we feel lonely or sad, then, quite simply, the "fix" is more love.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We can't control the behavior of another, but each of us, even just for one second or one breath, can get in touch with our deepest longings of love, for example, and bring more love into the world by shifting from blame of others or ourselves into just being love and thinking love.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As the hymn goes, there is more love, <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>somewhere, and it is inside each of us.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, here's the fix, simple in concept, but difficult to follow through on.. Thank goodness we have one another for support and to practice.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What are you feeling now.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">2. Identify what you long for.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">3.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Breathe in and connect to this longing without judgment of others or yourself.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">4.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Find a way to bring about what you long for in yourself and in your relationships.</p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-7031468874800859212010-09-02T04:22:00.000-07:002010-09-02T05:10:40.639-07:00Letting Go<p class="MsoNormal">Life is such an onion, as is the work of Compassionate Communication. Just when I think I "get" that there is freedom in letting go of strategies, I realize that there are deeper layers.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I discover that I have much, much more to let go of.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For instance, I had chosen to lose a significant amount of weight a few years ago so that I could move more easily and with less pain.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My goal was to be able to conduct field research in the tropics, and the extra weight was aggravating my arthritic knee, not to mention causing difficulty when carrying packs in hot and humid conditions.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was successful because I concentrated on the needs of health and contribution, and not on the feelings and thoughts that brought up shame and guilt.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What I am finding out now is that having a "fit body" for me had turned into just one more strategy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Furthermore, contributing to field research and avian conservation became a strategy to meet my needs for mattering. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>These strategies were threatening to cage me and limit my choices.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So I am working on <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>letting go of these as strategies. In so doing, I find that I have more joy in life in this moment, and in fact, feel that I have greater choice and freedom to meet the needs of the moment that ultimately matter.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps I'll gain weight and have to give up field research due to age and arthritis, however, by letting go of those "have to strategies" I might find a world of possibility opening up to me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i>Where do you hold tight onto a strategy, only to find that this does not contribute to life in the way you had hoped?</i></p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-41946228843243525042010-08-22T06:14:00.001-07:002010-08-22T06:24:58.662-07:00Seeing Conflict from a Bird's Eye View<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/THEjWBKnhCI/AAAAAAAAAoM/cZ47Dh0vbR4/s1600/DSC_5944.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/THEjWBKnhCI/AAAAAAAAAoM/cZ47Dh0vbR4/s320/DSC_5944.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5508222680427889698" /></a><i><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><i>Nancy Burke Loving a Hundred Year Old Amazon Parrot in her Home</i></span></div></i><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;">I have recently returned from several weeks of being among bird people, attending bird veterinarian conferences, bird breeding conferences, avian veterinary clinics, and pet bird owners of flocks. There was a time when I could not have spent enjoyable time amongst them, for I thought they were "wrong" for keeping wild birds in captivity.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Through the deep work of Compassionate Communication I have learned to see that these people are not wrong, nor am I.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Life flows through them just as it does me, striving to bring appreciation, beauty, companionship, and nurturing to their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> They love birds, I love birds. I care for birds, they care for birds. The difference is, and the potential conflict is, that they</span> choose to do so by keeping birds in cages in their homes, or treating captive birds in their clinics, while I choose to work with wild parrots in Latin America.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Our strategies differ, but we are interdependent with one another, not separate, but worthy and lovely.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We share life.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Because I appreciate our common humanity and might empathize with them, I can be among them, and even more important to me, love them for who they are and keep my heart open to the beauty that is their lives. Striving to relate through common needs does not mean that I do not mourn their strategies. Indeed, after several weeks of being among captive birds and hearing of their hard lives in captivity, I am ready for a break.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My heart hurts to witness such suffering.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This also doesn't mean that I don't tell others what is going on in my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Indeed there were many such discussions.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In that sharing, my aching heart does find relief, for at the level of universal needs, of mattering and seeing that other species matter, we were able to connect.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;">By seeing our discomfort as being at the level of strategy, and not at the level of universal needs, we find ways to empathize with one another, support one another, and hopefully<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>help one another see that we matter so that we can work in ways together that reflect the needs of all beings.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;"><i>Where do you disengage from others because your strategies differ?</i></span></p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-31979596557878097562010-08-11T12:21:00.000-07:002010-08-11T12:23:48.463-07:00Now Is The Time<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(85, 85, 85); line-height: 18px; font-family:'tahoma Trebuchet MS', lucida, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">I stopped the car and ran back and across the road</span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">and picked up the box turtle, who only<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">hissed and withdrew herself into her pretty shell.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Well, goodness, it was early in the morning, not too much traffic.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Rather an adventure than a risk, and anyway<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">who would give aid to such a shy citizen?<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Who wouldn't complete the journey for it, taking it of course<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">in the direction of its desire: a pinewoods<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">where, as I learned, the blueberries ripen early.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Probably she had thought, in the middle of the night-<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Ah, it's time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Sometimes I think our own lives are watched over like that.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Out of the mystery of the hours and the days<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Something says-Let's give this one a little trial.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Let's say, put a turtle in the road she's traveling on, and<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">in a hurry.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Let's see how her life is measuring up, that lucky girl.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">So much happiness, so much good fortune. Ah, it's time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">The Measure - by Mary Oliver</span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Not even a month ago coming back from a day swimming in the springs on my birthday my spouse and I moved a large female gopher tortoise from the middle of the road.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">We took a little risk to scamper quickly to save such a precious life along a fast paced road.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">That same month we moved a box turtle as well into safety. Yet, in our own yard, a small girl tortoise I found dead, smashed by an exiting car in our own driveway.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">We live at the end of a dirt road in the woods, and it seemed such a rare thing that tortoise just happened to be in the wrong place and the wrong time. She was not as lucky as the other two.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Maybe that's why we humans stay within our shells and do not travel about or journey from our sameness and tameness into wild sacredness.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">In the night a dream comes to us and with the sun's rising we feel perky with possibility. Then what happens?<span></span>Somewhere along the line we falsely intuit that we don't measure up, or other's don't, or reality doesn't.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span></span>Don't you think that it's time to cross that road and get into that field beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><span style=" ;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Now is the time to know<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">That all that you do is sacred.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Now is the time to understand<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">That all your ideas of right and wrong<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Were just a child's training wheels<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">To be laid aside<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">When you finally live<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">With veracity<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">And love.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Now is the time for the world to know<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">That every thought and action is sacred.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">This is the time for you to compute the impossibility<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">That there is anything<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">But Grace.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Now is the season to know<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">That everything you do<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Is sacred</span></span></i><span style=" ;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><span style=" ;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span></span>-</span></span><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">Hafiz, A Sufi Poet<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; "><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style="line-height: 18px; font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">What might you do or where might you go if you knew that everything you do is sacred?</span></span></i></p></span>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-22952062415629103632010-08-04T16:09:00.000-07:002010-08-04T16:14:45.038-07:00Holding Bejamin - Holding Each Other<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TFn0VNerryI/AAAAAAAAAn8/jkco-ABPkP8/s1600/dog-raccoon+love+(5).JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 220px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TFn0VNerryI/AAAAAAAAAn8/jkco-ABPkP8/s320/dog-raccoon+love+(5).JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5501697065042554658" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><br /></span></i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><br /></span></i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><br /></span></i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Holding Benjamin<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;">A Poem By Mary Oliver</span></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt; text-align:center"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;">August 2, 2010<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">No use to tell him that he</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">And the raccoon are brothers.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">You have your soft ideas about nature,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">He has others,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">And they are full of his<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">White teeth<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">And lip that curls, sometimes,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Horribly.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">You love this earnest dog,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">But also you admire the raccoon<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">And Lord help you in your place<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Of hope and improbables.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">To the black-masked gray one:<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Run! You say Run! <o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">You say and just as urgently, to the dog:<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Stay!<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">And he won’t or he will,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Depending on more things than I could name.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">He’s sure he’s right<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">And you, so tangled in your mind,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Are wrong,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Though patient and pacific.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">And you are downcast.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">And it’s his eyes, not yours,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">That are clear and bright.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;">I once read an article about the violence between siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brothers can pound horribly on one another – it is their way. So when I think of the raccoon and dog as brothers, and also caught in a terrible predator – prey cycle, I think of course, it is their way.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then I think of the human companion who feels the suffering of the one, and the responsibility of the other, and ultimately shame and guilt plays tag with acceptance for what is our way – to be complex social creatures who navigate in confusion the harm that we interconnected siblings inflict upon one another.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>We want there to be a right way and because we cannot discern how to meet everyone’s needs, we feel inadequate.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What if we could move beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing as Rumi suggests in his poem?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">There is a field.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">I will meet you there.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Ideas, language, even the phrase each other doesn’t make sense.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span style="line-height:115%;font-size:14.0pt;">We could lie down in that field and play, and as we rubbed our noses in the fresh dirt and smelled the flowers, our hands would linger upon a half-buried bone, a sign of the carnage of our past and of our future.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My prayer is that we do not run from that field, but stay engaged with reality and one another – no wrong doing, no right doing, but sure as heck a lot of pain and discomfort.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My eyes are bright with living this possibility well, of helping each other hold awareness and acceptance of not a soft nature, but of a terribly beautiful whole and hard nature.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:14.0pt;">Do you think that predation and prey is an inevitable cycle in our lives; or, can we use our evolution possibility to support collaboration even more than competition?<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-38549216157160294692010-07-24T12:05:00.000-07:002010-07-24T12:12:23.609-07:00The Bleeding Heart<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TEs7DU68ZXI/AAAAAAAAAnI/5u-d-P5lHqU/s1600/bleeding_heart_pink_single+(1).jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TEs7DU68ZXI/AAAAAAAAAnI/5u-d-P5lHqU/s320/bleeding_heart_pink_single+(1).jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497552698477405554" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(85, 85, 85); font-family:'tahoma Trebuchet MS', lucida, helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;"><h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="text-align: center;margin-top: 5px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 16px; "><br /></h3><h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="text-align: center;margin-top: 5px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 16px; "><br /></h3><h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="text-align: center;margin-top: 5px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 16px; "><br /></h3><h3 class="post-title entry-title" style="text-align: center;margin-top: 5px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-size: 16px; "><a href="http://yearsrisingmaryoliver.blogspot.com/2010/07/bleeding-heart.html" style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(153, 153, 136); background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">The Bleeding Heart</a></h3><div style="text-align: center;">Mary Oliver</div><div class="post-header"><div class="post-header-line-1"></div></div><div class="post-body entry-content" style="line-height: 18px; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 1em; "><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:12pt;color:black;">I know a bleeding-heart plant that has thrived for sixty years if not more, and has never missed a spring without rising and spreading itself into a glossy bush, with many small red hearts dangling.<span> </span>Don't you think that deserves a little thought? The woman who planted it has been gone for a long time, and everyone who saw it in that time has also died or moved away and so, like so many stories, this one can't get finished properly.<span> </span>Most things that are important, have you noticed, lack a certain neatness.<span> </span>More delicious, anyway, is to remember my grandmother's pleasure when the dissolve of winter was over and the green knobs appeared and began to rise, and to create their many hearts. One would say she was a simple woman, made happy by simple things. I think this was true. And more than once, in my long life, I have wished to be her.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:12pt;color:black;">Once upon a time there were a humanoid people whose heart's cycled with the seasons. In the winter, their hearts shrunk to the size of a raison.<span> </span>The cold snows echoed their cool souls and empty faces.<span> </span>Come the spring their hearts began to grow and by summer would be so big that you could see them beating through their skin, emitting a pink glow around their chests. All summer long they would forget their work and their worries, and spend their days laughing in the rivers and ponds, embraced by life, love, and one another. Their favorite past time was to press their chests against one another and see how long their hearts could beat in perfect synchronization. <span></span>Come fall they held on to each other's hands as if it was the last time ever.<span> </span>And of course it would be, at least until the following spring.<span> </span>Why do I wish I were they?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:12pt;color:black;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:12pt;color:black;">This longing, wishing to live with an open heart with others, no matter how much it bleeds, is the art of compassionate communication consciousness. For out of the longing, and the mourning for those long dark times of perceived separation, comes the blooming of new life.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:12pt;color:black;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:12pt;color:black;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:12pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><i><span style=" ;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;font-size:12pt;color:black;">How does your heart wax and wane?</span></i></p></div></span>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-87753942833073370822010-07-07T10:28:00.000-07:002010-07-07T10:35:25.107-07:00Fiddling While Rome Burns<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TDS6eVn-quI/AAAAAAAAAmw/WNjKYzx0kCM/s1600/DSC_5338.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 384px; height: 255px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TDS6eVn-quI/AAAAAAAAAmw/WNjKYzx0kCM/s320/DSC_5338.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491218876035148514" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:15.8333px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i> My booth next to Trapper boot</i></span><i>h</i></span></div><p class="MsoNormal">“We need an inclusive movement and need to eliminate anything that stands in the way of that.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>These were words during the presentation, “Fiddling While Rome Burns,” given by Shane Mahoney <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>the plenary speaker for the International Congress of Conservation Biology. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I couldn’t agree with him more. In fact, my efforts in conservation in the last decade have been committed to finding ways to support the human dimensions of conservation so that we can get along, not just for greater satisfaction and sustainability on conservation teams, but for the sake of all life.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The earth needs us now, not some time in the distant future when we might decide to work with others who are different from us, or who think of wildlife differently.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15.8333px; ">A pertinent and timely example of this comes from the placement of the Lafeber Conservation and Wildlife booth at this conference.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am on “Trapper Row.” On my aisle of the exhibit hall are 3 trapper organizations and one safari group.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Just to my left are the skins of lynx, wolf, beaver, and wolverine and examples of many kinds of leg traps.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The most common question I get from people who pass by is not “what do you do,” or “what is Emeraid,” but “how do you feel being next to trappers?”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That’s a good question, I tell the people, and then they proceed to give me their views. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The thought is that trappers don’t have a place in true compassionate conservation solutions. I have also talked to the trappers on my row.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They say they love the animals and their habitats, and want the same things I do – sustainability, diversity, and abundance.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Yet, our strategies are so very different.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Though the strategy of trapping brings up pain for me, if I think that I do not share the same universal needs as the trappers, then I won’t be able to empathize with them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If I can’t empathize with them, then we won’t be able to see each other as belonging on this planet, belonging at the table, and belonging at the conference.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Shane ended his talk by saying that we are human because of the different other and that in all of us is some part of God.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Without talking to him about this I can’t be sure what he means. What he says to me is this.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Though my heart aches to imagine the suffering and stress of an animal bound in a leg trap, I will not close my heart to that pain and that conversation with the different other. For if I close my heart to the pain, I close my heart to the beauty, the joy, and the possibility of what we might create together.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I also diminish how I can be the change I wish to see in the world. For if I settle for blaming the trapper, the hunter, the cattle rancher, I risk settling for not looking at my own complicity in harm in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So dear trappers, thank you for being at this conference so that I might just get to know your mind, and in the attempt, get to not just know my mind, but change it to feel interconnection and empathy with all beings. May the traps of the mind so free me, and all beings.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-15251571121103269672010-06-27T12:37:00.000-07:002010-06-27T12:42:44.837-07:00Peacemaking and Compassionate Communication<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TCepfMwpKqI/AAAAAAAAAmA/RT6tREoh9Vg/s1600/4738924398_cfc5ba52fa.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TCepfMwpKqI/AAAAAAAAAmA/RT6tREoh9Vg/s320/4738924398_cfc5ba52fa.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5487541024440527522" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Delegates voting at General Assembly)</span></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">This past week I have been attending the Unitarian Universalist Annual General Assembly.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The body of delegates voted overwhelmingly to approve a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Statement of Consciousness:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Creating Peace.</i> This document speaks of having Peace Teams within congregations that obtain training in Compassionate Communication. In addition, for peace in relationships, individuals are encouraged <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>to learn and practice skills in compassionate communication.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then, later in the plenary meeting the executive director of the Association of Theological Schools spoke about the complex interpersonal aspects of congregational life for which current academic programs do not prepare ministers adequately.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Three calls within as many days for humans to engage in peace making skills through the spiritual practice of interpersonal communication!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have such hope that we are evolving not just as an association of congregations, but as a people.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Perhaps I know this best from my own growth through compassionate communication, which has allowed me to play in multiple fields of peacemaking and ministry, and surprisingly, often with joy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>May it be so for you as well.</p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9146781732108348146.post-55437293921624036932010-06-23T07:41:00.000-07:002010-06-23T07:49:15.393-07:00Beyond Blame and Fear<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TCIephtEY9I/AAAAAAAAAl4/yZV0C-Jsnjo/s1600/bird--beach_long.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 148px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x9oY8QlxLHI/TCIephtEY9I/AAAAAAAAAl4/yZV0C-Jsnjo/s320/bird--beach_long.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5485980994861556690" /></a><i><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Oiled bird on beach - photo by IBRRC</span>)</i></span></div></i><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";">Three Prose Poems</span></i></div><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; "><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">Mary Oliver</span></span></i></span></div></i><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";">1</span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";">Oh, yesterday, that one, we all cry out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Oh, that one!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>How rich and possible everything was!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>How ripe, ready, lavish, and filled with excitement-how hopeful we were on those summer days, under the clean, white racing clouds.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Oh yesterday!<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";">2<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";">I was in the hold burn dump-no longer used…Here a pair of hummingbirds lived every summer, as if the only ones of their kind…I near strolled, and was almost always sure to see the male hummingbird on his favorite high perch near the top of a wild cherry tree, looking out across his kingdom with bright eye, and even brighter throat…a plane, a black triangle, flew screaming from the horizon, heavy talons clenched and lumpy on its undersides.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And, lo, the hummingbird cringed, it hugged itself to the limb, it hunkered, it quivered. It was God’s gorgeous, flashing jewel:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>afraid. All narrative is metaphor.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";">3<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";">After the storm the ocean returned..so there was the world: sky, water, the pale sand and, where the tide had reached the day’s destination, the snow. And this detail:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>the body of a duck, a golden-eye; and beside it one black-backed gull.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In the body of the duck, among the breast feathers, a hole perhaps an inch across: the color within the hole a shouting red.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And bend it as you might, nothing was to blame: storms must toss, and the great black-backed gawker must eat, and so on. It was merely a moment. The sun, angling out from the bunched clouds, cast one could easily imagine tenderly over the landscape its extraordinary light.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";">Is life just a moment, balanced between fear and tenderness? Does the tide come in and yesterday was lush and we feel expansive and open, and then the tide goes out and we constrict with fear and scarcity? It seems to be so. We are God’s precious jewels sparkling in the sand, eater and eaten, afraid. Okay, maybe I can accept this. What brings me angst and a hollow thumping of the heart though, is that I will seek to blame God, the world, the gull, the plane, you, me. And as the tide goes out and the sun sets, I will think that I am lonely, alone worthy of praise or blame, of praising of blaming. Oh be still my cognitive self and let the story rest for a while in the calm of an intertidal zone, for all stories are metaphor as Mary says. Beneath it all lies shared being – no life, no death, just sparkling amazement lying amongst the ever present grains of fear. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="Times New Roman","serif"font-family:";"><i>Where can you open to amazement and let go of blame and judging?</i></span></p>LoraKim Joynerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07305359695072392847noreply@blogger.com0