Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn't make any sense.
- (Sufi Poet Rumi)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Come, Come Whoever You Are

Come, Come, Whoever You Are

Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.
It doesn't matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow
a thousand times
Come, yet again, come, come.

As we end the year I wonder if you look back over the months and wonder where you have broken your vows – to others, to yourself, to life, to other animals? (http://liberatingwings.typepad.com/liberating_wings/2008/12/covenanting-with-cotorros.html).
To be human is to break from life, to leave joy and relationships behind, and to fall into despair. To be human is also to come back to life again and again.

Compassionate Communication Consciousness is not about getting the relationship, action, thought, or conversation “right.” It is about watching how life seeks to flow through you in ever greater joy and creativity, and then to reopen to current possibilities. With every new thought, word, action, and breath we can come yet again and again to joyful living.

Here’s how this might happen.

Suppose you just had a emotionally charged discussion with your partner and they left angry, and you frustrated. You wonder if you two can ever “get it right” and feel a bit ashamed that you blamed your partner for his/her actions, instead of being open to their experiences as you promised you would in either spoken or unspoken relational agreements. You can choose to get on a spitting camel and ride off into the sunset alone, or you might have this conversation with your partner.

You: I’m remembering today our discussion about our children yesterday and I’m feeling sad that I was not able to hear what is going on for you regarding our Christmas shopping list. Would you be willing to talk about this now?

Partner: Oh man, I really don’t have the energy to get into it now.

You: I’m guessing that you feel hopeless that we can figure this out together?

Partner: That’s right, we always go round and round the same argument.

You: You’d really like to be heard, really heard and understood. Is that right?

Partner: Yeah, but you seem so set on having one more very special Christmas and I don’t see how we can afford it.

You: You are worried about our financial situation?

Partner: How can anyone not be these days. Plus, I’d really like to live more simply.

You: I’m guessing that you are overwhelmed at work, doing all the volunteer activities we do, plus raising the kids. It doesn’t leave us much time to figure out what we could do together, and that’s frustrating.

Partner (shifting in body language – more open): That’s so true honey. I miss you and all the fun we use to have together.

You: So do I, so do I. That’s why I’d really like to see if we can figure out a way to have a really fun Christmas and Winter Holidays that considers all our needs, including having fun! Want to go for a walk now and see what we might come up with?

Partner: Hey, that’d be great, just great. Maybe this really will be a special Christmas this year!

The two people didn’t really connect in the argument yesterday, but they did during this one. Perhaps when they go on the walk, they’ll shift back into blame and feel distant from one another. That’s okay because life never gives up on us. Ever before us, though it may seem like you have to cross a desert to get there, is a rising sun, a new day, and ever greater chance for light in our lives. If not in this moment, then possibly the next, again, and again. Come to life. Come to joy. Come.

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