Peacemaking and Compassionate Communication

(Delegates voting at General Assembly)

This past week I have been attending the Unitarian Universalist Annual General Assembly. The body of delegates voted overwhelmingly to approve a Statement of Consciousness: Creating Peace. This document speaks of having Peace Teams within congregations that obtain training in Compassionate Communication. In addition, for peace in relationships, individuals are encouraged to learn and practice skills in compassionate communication. Then, later in the plenary meeting the executive director of the Association of Theological Schools spoke about the complex interpersonal aspects of congregational life for which current academic programs do not prepare ministers adequately. Wow. Three calls within as many days for humans to engage in peace making skills through the spiritual practice of interpersonal communication! I have such hope that we are evolving not just as an association of congregations, but as a people. Perhaps I know this best from my own growth through compassionate communication, which has allowed me to play in multiple fields of peacemaking and ministry, and surprisingly, often with joy. May it be so for you as well.

Beyond Blame and Fear

(Oiled bird on beach - photo by IBRRC)

Three Prose Poems

Mary Oliver

1

Oh, yesterday, that one, we all cry out. Oh, that one! How rich and possible everything was! How ripe, ready, lavish, and filled with excitement-how hopeful we were on those summer days, under the clean, white racing clouds. Oh yesterday!

2

I was in the hold burn dump-no longer used…Here a pair of hummingbirds lived every summer, as if the only ones of their kind…I near strolled, and was almost always sure to see the male hummingbird on his favorite high perch near the top of a wild cherry tree, looking out across his kingdom with bright eye, and even brighter throat…a plane, a black triangle, flew screaming from the horizon, heavy talons clenched and lumpy on its undersides. And, lo, the hummingbird cringed, it hugged itself to the limb, it hunkered, it quivered. It was God’s gorgeous, flashing jewel: afraid. All narrative is metaphor.

3

After the storm the ocean returned..so there was the world: sky, water, the pale sand and, where the tide had reached the day’s destination, the snow. And this detail: the body of a duck, a golden-eye; and beside it one black-backed gull. In the body of the duck, among the breast feathers, a hole perhaps an inch across: the color within the hole a shouting red. And bend it as you might, nothing was to blame: storms must toss, and the great black-backed gawker must eat, and so on. It was merely a moment. The sun, angling out from the bunched clouds, cast one could easily imagine tenderly over the landscape its extraordinary light.

Is life just a moment, balanced between fear and tenderness? Does the tide come in and yesterday was lush and we feel expansive and open, and then the tide goes out and we constrict with fear and scarcity? It seems to be so. We are God’s precious jewels sparkling in the sand, eater and eaten, afraid. Okay, maybe I can accept this. What brings me angst and a hollow thumping of the heart though, is that I will seek to blame God, the world, the gull, the plane, you, me. And as the tide goes out and the sun sets, I will think that I am lonely, alone worthy of praise or blame, of praising of blaming. Oh be still my cognitive self and let the story rest for a while in the calm of an intertidal zone, for all stories are metaphor as Mary says. Beneath it all lies shared being – no life, no death, just sparkling amazement lying amongst the ever present grains of fear.

Where can you open to amazement and let go of blame and judging?

Galarragoed

Less than two weeks ago there was quite the news about an umpire, Jim Joyce, who made a "wrong" call and cost a baseball pitcher, Armando Galarrago, his perfect game (http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20100602&content_id=10727590).

The following day the same umpire who had made the "bad" call came onto the field with tears in his eyes. What brings tears to my eyes is the genuine compassion and sense of fair play of the Detroit fans. They seemed to come to a collective empathetic state by knowing what Joyce must be feeling - they gave him a standing ovation. An event that could have unfolded in recriminations and blame that represent the worst in our species, turned into something that heralds the best in us.

Charles Krauthammer noted that Galarrago will now be a more memorable figure in baseball than if he'd been fairly granted his perfect game by Joyce's correct call at first base. He speculates that a new verb has been created for when one has been extraordinarily screwed: He's been Galarragoed. Maybe instead we will use this verb to mean when we have realized what's really important in life, even more important than pitching a perfect game. (thanks to Gary Schouborg for your thinking and writing on this topic). There is much grace that can come to us and the world when we connect to our needs and values, even when we don't get what we originally set out to get.

May you be Galarragoed today.

Opening the Window of the Heart

Friend, there's a window that opens from heart to heart

And there are ways of closing it - Rumi

Often when offering support for others in Compassionate Communication I find that people, including myself, can get caught up in the tools for practicing peace in communication, such as the four components of observation, feelings, needs, and requests. I am learning though that the premise of rewiring our brains and changing our habits lies with this choice: Do I want to live constricted, or with an open heart? When I get up in the morning and open the windows and doors to the misty early sunlight, do I want to love myself and the world I see, or do I want to begin withdrawing into myself by judging any moving being as the source of my discomfort or lack of fulfillment? This question always draws me back to the hope of this moment and the feeling of my body. There is a difference in my body posture when I think "I wish for more world peace," and "I love peace." This is similar to the difference when I say "I wish this person would be more loving" and "I long for love." In the later, my body opens, leans towards the "other," and a window opens in my heart.

Where do you shut the window of your heart?

Empathy for Big Oil

Do you find yourselves these days struggling to find empathy for those working with the oil industry? I say "those" as it doesn't make sense to empathize with an institution such as "big oil" or the "oil industry" or the "US government." If we bring the frame a reference down to an individual, and not some conspiracy plot or organizational indifference or even purposeful neglect, where do you find your empathy level for others that were in the chain of cause and effect for the gulf oil spill? Perhaps you choose to not have empathy for others. I work on this because out of empathy and an open heart, amazing choices come before me that allow me to give and receive life giving actions.

First I ask, who is impacted and how? It is helpful to be as specific as possible as to individuals and to their needs. I believe the first step is begin with one's self. If we can't find a way to meet our own needs for empathy or to connect with other needs, it is not likely that we can mourn in the ways that are most beneficial, and then to have empathy for others.

What needs come up for you in terms of the oil spill? Beauty? Health? Biodiversity? Protection? Take time to connect to these needs before going on to any others.

Who else?

Birds - which species? So far impacted are pelicans, gannets, terns. Others? What are their needs? Health, food, reproduction, water, protection?

Reptiles - sea turtles

Mammals - dolphins, whales

Fish

Invertebrates

Plants

Oil spill cleanup and rescue crews. What are their needs?

Fisherpeople

Tourist industry workers

Tourists

Homeowners

Real estate workers

BP oil rig workers and the family members of those who died or were injured

BP managers and executives

Government employees in regulation industry

Government representatives

President Obama

Who else?

Now, having gone through this exercise, do you have any requests of yourself or others?

For me, during this exercise I came up with a request that didn't exist before. For our congregation's upcoming Animal Blessing Service on June 6th, I will devote part of the service to the oil spill.

What is yours to do?

Going to Central America

Later this week I will be traveling to Honduras and then to Guatemala on a Compassionate Conservation trip. During this time I will be consulting as an avian veterinarian in parrot conservation and also supporting the human dimensions of wildlife conservation. Though my schedule is full of "doing this and that" and "projects" the bottom line is, "how shall I love the world, in this place, with these people and birds?" "How shall I keep my heart open to the birds and people, though life is struggling so hard to break through the suffering and loss present in these ecosystems and communities?"

I will twitter to this blog, and my other blogs, when I can. Though I imagine given the remote areas, I will be taking a break from writing here on Compassionate Communication, and be living Compassionate Conservation in the space that opens up for me.

Blessed Beings,

LoraKim Joyner

Spring Into Love

Spring

Mary Oliver

Somewhere

a black bear

has just risen from sleep

and is staring

down the mountain.

All night

in the brisk and shallow restlessness

of early spring

I think of her..

There is only one question:

how to love this world.

I think of her

rising

like a black and leafy ledge

to sharpen her claws against

the silence

of the trees

Whatever else

my life is

with its poems

and its music

and its glass cities,

It is also this dazzling darkness

coming

down the mountain,

breathing and tasting;

all day I think of her-

her white teeth,

her wordlessness,

her perfect love.

Mary, my favorite poet, has finally you've nailed it down to one question, although just a few poems ago, her question was, what is a soul? Perhaps this comes out of the question, "how to love the world." The question is not how to be loved? Why me? Why not me? Or how shall I die and when? How shall I best meet my needs? In the asking, I feel empowerment. In the asking, we give ourselves a choice. Now, this moment, we choose how to love. Shall it be wordlessly like the bear? Watching like in so many of Mary's poems? Reading this poem? In Compassionate Communication we may ask this same question in this way, "how shall I connect to the world and consider all being needs?" Or, how shall I keep my heart open, even in the direst of circumstances when my needs are not met?

How do you love the world?